15 September 2006

NATO 1949-2006

Thousands across the glove attended NATO's early gigsFans across the globe are mourning the death of NATO, the supergroup that had rocked much of the globe since its foundation in 1949. Brought together from some of the leading powers of the Western World, and Canada, the band was soon building a powerful reputation as it played gigs across much of Western Europe, picking up new members on its travels.

All seemed to be going well until France - angered at what it saw as America and the UK hogging the limelight - split from the group in the sixties, intent on pursuing solo projects including "Gaullist Arrogance" and "Building Nuclear Bombs". Despite this the other NATO members soldiered on. Acknowledged as the mightiest group in the globe and rivalled only by "The Warsaw Pact", notorious for a series of drunken performances during which many of their own members got beaten up, NATO's own act became increasingly bloated and unwieldy, with trillions of dollars spent on stage equipment that would never be used. Rumours began to circulate of money problems, arguments and even dark ceremonies involving millions of dollars being sacrificed to right-wing terrorists.

Despite this, when "The Warsaw Pact" eventually folded in the early 90's, many of its members decided to combine their forces with NATO. Soon even France was welcomed back into the fold, it's unique stylings a welcome addition to the line-up. It was not long before NATO was performing in new and exciting venues, preaching a new message of peace and reconstruction - accompanied by lots of heavy metal bombing - in the former Yugoslavia and Afghanistan.

Only two Latvians turned upFacing an ever-heavier tour schedule, band relations became increasingly fractious, with America - backed by Britain - spending more and more of its time on ill-conceived concept project "Bombing the Heck out of Iran" and the even more ludicrous "Invading Iraq". Differences became ever stronger and when, in 2006, America and Britain called for members to get together for a rooftop concert in Afghanistan, only two Latvians turned up.

NATO will be buried this weekend, if anyone can be bothered.