(Fictional) George W Bush 1946-2006

(Fictional) George Walker Bush, (fictional) 43rd President of the United States has been assassinated in a (fictional) British television programme to be broadcast next month. The news of the death of one of the greatest (fictional) Presidents has led to scenes of piteous lamentation across a grief-stricken globe.

(Fictional) George W Bush was born in 1946 into an old, established New England family. Despite the advantages afforded to him by his upbringing, (fictional) young George preferred not to rely on his patrician background, keen instead to get on in life by hard work and the application of his keen intelligence. It was these qualities that led him to Yale, from where he would graduate cum laude in 1968. Despite his academic brilliance, (fictional) George was ever eager to serve his country and, despite his misgivings about the conflict in Vietnam, immediately enlisted in the armed forces, ready and willing to serve on the front line.

Returning from war after several tours of duty and having refused all military honours - including the Purple Heart - despite his heroic service, (fictional) George quickly set himself to work on home territory. Wanting to avoid the feckless life of booze and drugs so common among the scions of America's ruling families and raring to make his own way in the world, (fictional) George chose not to accept repeated offers from his father's friends in the oil industry, instead choosing to put his deep scientific knowledge to good use by setting up a self-funded environmental technology company. It was, of course, the invention by that same company of the "(fictional) George W 'Hydropower I' motor" that led to the abandonment of hydrocarbon-burning engines in the automobile industry.

Despite the heavy pressures on his time caused by his scientific and environmental work, (fictional) George was still insistent he had more to do. In 1994 he stood for and was elected Governor of Texas. Few Texans will forget his many successes in that role, including vast reductions in pollution, enormous improvements in educational standards for rich and poor alike, a massive fall in the State's prison population and the near-eradication of poverty. All this while displaying such probity that he insisted on refusing the blandishments of lobbyists and such local favourites as Enron's Kenneth "Kenny Boy" Lay.

Given his astounding achievements it was certain from the moment he was reluctantly persuaded to stand that (fictional) George would become President of the United States in the year 2000. His record-breaking 50-state victory was made all the more remarkable by his decision to persuade brother Jeb Bush to stand down as Governor of Florida for the duration of the election, in order to avoid even the suggestion of any possible impropriety. Truly he was the man to bring a new light to the new millennium.

The achievements of (fictional) President George W Bush while in office are, needless to say, too numerous to mention. His farsighted choice to bring all his efforts to bear on the resolution of the Middle East conflict, combined with his decision to resist all those who called for an attack on Iraq following the terrible events of 9/11 and concentrate instead on the reconstruction of Afghanistan, undoubtedly contributed to the stability and peace the whole region enjoys today - especially following the capture of Osama bin Laden in 2003 by a US Special Forces group led by (fictional) George himself.

Thanks to (fictional) George's tireless championing of the Kyoto Agreement, his commitment to the sciences, leadership on the eradication of poverty throughout the globe and his belief in using America's might only with the greatest of care and planning, it came as no surprise when, earlier this year, the (fictional) President was awarded the Nobel prizes for Physics, Chemistry, Medicine, Economics and Peace. Indeed, many had expected him to complete the clean sweep next year, winning the prize for Literature with his moving novel based on the life of a poor black man struggling to rebuild his life after the destruction of home and family by Hurricane Katrina.

(Fictional) George W Bush will be buried on 9 October. A world will mourn.