20 September 2006

The Living Death of Sir Menzies "Ming" Campbell 2006-??

Menzies Campbell: Lord of the UndeadPolitical colleagues and fellow members of the non-living community last night paid tribute to Sir Menzies “Ming” Campbell, whose brief reign as leader of the Liberal Zombies continued this week at the annual party conference in Brighton, following his success in persuading part members to drop their promise of a 50p tax rate for high-earning living people and replace it with a range of green taxes ... on green bile, green blood and green putrefying flesh. With Sir Menzies's continuance in office, the dream of Britain’s first Zombocracy remains alive undead.

Sir Menzies had thought that at the overripe old age 65 he had missed his chance to lead a major political party. Indeed, he was right and was comfortably elected a member of the living dead in March 2006, becoming Liberal Democrat leader after beating off the insufferable one who drives around in a taxi and the happily-married one who likes rent boys. In taking up his new position, Sir Menzies ensured an orderly transition of power from one undead leader to another was assured, Charles Kennedy having led the Liberal Democrats for many years despite being embalmed for many years.

During the funeral ceremony (or "conference" as the Liberal Zombies prefer to call it) Mr Kennedy himself was to rise up briefly from his embalming vat (believed to be a barrel of 12-year-old single malt) and take his place under the banners "Trust in Zombies" and "Make Britain Gorier" to deliver an address full of praise and pledges of loyalty to his corpse-like leader. Mr Kennedy also used his funeral oration to declare his intention to remain in politics and the Liberal Zombies - causing much scratching of suppurating heads among his audience.

The Living Death of Sir Menzies Campbell is survived by Charles Kennedy.