The Year 2006 passed away on the stroke of midnight last night. Those present at the scene identified the cause of death as either a blow to the head from a misdirected champagne cork or, even worse, the shame induced by a misdirected attempt to snog that woman it had been eyeing up at the New Year's Eve party all evening, which was accidentally intercepted by a very surprised Barry from the gym.
A memorial service for the year 2006 will be held this morning, at which time millions of people will remember the past 365 days by swallowing the most powerful analgesics their medicine cupoboard can deliver, swearing never, ever to go to a New Year's Eve Party again and then trying to work out whether that sneaky cigarette they had at 12.01 am means they've already broken their most important New Year's Resolution.
The Year 2006 will be interred in the 2006 memorial cemetery. Amid the many important people and things buried alongside it in the cemetery's extensive and handily-arranged-by-months grounds are ...
The Thames Whale
Charles Kennedy's LibDem Leadership
George Galloway's dignity
Michael Jackson's status as the only human (?) to have had a face transplant
Cartoon images of the prophet
£53m from a Securitas depot
Tax-free chopsticks in China
The Mystery of Loch Ness
Wayne Rooney's metatarsal
Weirdo celebrities being allowed to give their kids dreadful names
John Prescott's political career
Eurovision's reputation for bland europop
Sven Goran Eriksson's sanity
A lot of Egyptologists' hopes
The Yangtze River Dolphin
The red paperclip quest
The lunatic belief that a bunch of overpampered, overpaid no-hopers could win the World Cup
The satirical desert that existed before the launch of As A Dodo
The Planet Pluto
SMART-1's road trip
Team USA's Ryder Cup hopes
North Korea's nagging sense of international inadequacy
Faith School Quotas
The relative obscurity of Polonium 210
The Three Blind Mice
England's Ashes Hopes
Diana Conspiracy Theories
Open University Broadcasting
and, of course, Saddam Hussein.
The Year 2006 is survived by the year 2007, numerous hangovers and the As A Dodo team.