16 August 2006

David Beckham's England Career 1996-2006

The sad demise of David Beckham’s England Career, which passed away this week at the tender age of ten, while not unexpected has left a gaping void in the England midfield, the pages of the tabloids and several multi-million pound sponsorship deals.

Friends of David Beckham’s England career say the end came quickly, following the announcement by new England manager, Steve McClaren, that he hoped to take the national football team “in a different direction”– namely forward, towards the opposition’s goal.

David Beckham’s England career began in 1996, when the young David Beckham faced an agonising choice – to give up his lucrative career as a Joe Pasquale sound-alike and part-time model for a Leytonstone tattoo parlour or to play his first match for England against Moldova.

David takes a free kickimage courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Having taken the plunge into international underachievement, David Beckham went on to win 96 caps for his country – while designing 3,174 under his own label, mostly for sale in the expanding Far East market where, ironically, many of the caps were made.

The England career went on to even greater heights, with Beckham wearing the Captain’s armband 56 times – sometimes on his arm, sometimes as a fetching thong and throughout most of the 2006 World Cup in Germany, as a blindfold.

Famed for his tattoos, wearing sarongs in public and having haircuts, Beckham initially managed to find time for other pastimes, including football. Sadly, this sideline quickly foundered due to his difficulty in deciding whether to play on the left or right wing or whether to play home or away.

The highlight of David Beckham’s England career arrived in 2004 with the signing of a £40 million sponsorship deal with Gillette which finally banished bitter memories of his petulant quarter-final outburst against Argentina which shattered England’s 1998 World Cup dream for most England fans.

David Beckham’s England career was laid to rest in a moving ceremony attended by the leading lights of England International Football along with Frank Lampard, Michael Owen, Jamie Carragher, Joe Cole, Gary Neville, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Ashley Cole and Wayne Rooney, Steve McClaren and Sven-Goran Eriksson, while Theo Walcott was left to mind the umbrellas. Also in attendance were the brightest stars in the celebrity firmament along with Beckham’s wife Victoria, Elton John, Max Clifford and the footballer’s voice-coach for many years, Sweep.

The ceremony was briefly marred when undertakers struggled to lower Beckham’s career into the grave. But in the dying minutes of the service substitute pall-bearer Aaron Lennon made a dazzling dash down the right-wing of the cemetery, beating three mourners and the paparazzi defence, before slotting David’s career square across the box. Frank Lampard was on hand to receive but blazed it clean over the open grave.

Beckham’s England Career is survived by his sponsorship and merchandising career at Real Madrid, where his solid work and hard graft has boosted sales of team shirts by over 27%.

David Beckham's England career was pre-deceased by Victoria Beckham's career which passed away in November 2000.

1 Comment:

Anonymous said...

georgep? reads more like grinder a to me, minus the otter.

very funny. i will recommend it to all my friends.

a grinder