21 November 2006

OJ Simpson's If I Did It 2006-2006

A wave of shock and revulsion has swept over America following the Fox Television Network's decision to screen an interview with the infamous Rupert Murdoch, in which the man whom many still believe to be responsible for notorious crimes such as the Fox Television Network appeared to confess to the brutal killing of OJ Simpson's If I Did It

In an interview condemned by those on both the left and the right - the latter including Fox's self-decorated Gulf War hero Geraldo Rivera and well-informed, highly unbiased, non-sexual-harasser Bill O'Reilly - Mr Murdoch gave a blow-by-blow account of what would have happened had he been the man responsible for the blood all over the floors of Fox TV and HarperCollins, following his decision to cut down their young ratings-grabber before their very eyes.

In the face of Fox's lengthy publicity campaign for the Murdoch interview, friends of OJ Simpson's If I Did It were quick to point out the distress it would cause to the relatives of Mr Murdoch's victim, including publisher Judith Regan who gave birth to If I Did It after conceiving it in a brief moment of passion and unbelievable cynicism with a Mr Rupert Murdoch.

From the moment it emerged into the world, OJ Simpson's If I Did It was the apple of its mother's eyes. Lavished with praise and attention, not to mention multi-page spreads in every News Corporation- owned publication, in the weeks up to its tragic death OJ Simpson's If I Did It was regularly shown off to friends, neighbours and anyone with access to Fox TV - all of whom showed their pleasure at its antics by reaching for sick buckets and bewailing the depths to which portions of the American media had sunk. Despite this, all was not happy in the young If I Did It's life. Before the babe had even had a chance to talk, it became clear that relations with its father were far from good. Rumours began to circulate of Rupert returning home, drunk on power, and attacking the child for its failure to provide. Soon OJ Simpson's If I Did It was being hawked around major advertisers, required to make ever more demeaning confessions in a desperate attempt to bring in a few million cents for Daddy. When even the most hard-bitten of advertisers turned away, If I Did It's days were clearly numbered. On Monday night it was slain in a frenzied press release by a balding Australian media tycoon whom we now know to be Mr Murdoch.

OJ Simpson's If I Did It will be buried alongside grisly reconstructions of the Jack The Ripper Murders, several lengthy interviews with serial killers and a large number of police documentaries which look suspiciously staged. It is survived by Rupert Murdoch, who is expected to undergo a lengthy trial by media, after which he will be let off thanks to possessing a clear conscience, a noble demeanour and a legion of very expensive lawyers.