22 October 2006

Bono's Integrity 1960-2006

Bono's Integrity made its way to the exitBono’s Integrity passed away this week, after an almost 50-year battle with the lead singer of U2. It collapsed and passed away as it was trying to retrieve its Stetson through the courts in Dublin. After forming a close relationship with the singer during the Rattle and Hum tour, the Stetson had tired of Bono’s attempts to mix politics with Christian Rock, and decided to go solo.

Early problems with Bono’s Integrity sadly went unnoticed when, during the 1970s, the teenage singer got his famous nickname from a hearing aid shop in Dublin.

During much of the 80s, Bono’s Integrity persuaded the singer to sport a mullet but, despite the best efforts of doctors, Bono’s Integrity continued to deteriorate as, in the 90s, it began to hobnob with politicians, businessmen and Sting.

Earlier this year, doctors became concerned when Bono’s Integrity participated in a buyout of Forbes magazine – the favourite top-shelf publication of the ultra rich.

Careering out of control, it refused all offers of medical attention, going on to accuse the Irish government of failing to do enough for African debt relief – before moving U2 Ltd to a tax shelter in Holland.

Bono’s Integrity was buried in a private ceremony sponsored by MTV and Apple Computers. Members of the Rock Aristocracy including George Bush, Paul Wolfowitz, Rupert Murdoch and Nana Mouskouri sang some of U2’s classic hits including “Money” by Pink Floyd, “Money, Money, Money” by Abba and Pride (In the Name of Money) by U2.

Bono’s Integrity is survived by his Bono’s Ego and Bono Talking Through His Hat.